Monday, October 20, 2014

Real Talk

I wanted to high five the little old lady who gave me real talk at the grocery store. Boy child was running in circles, Younger girl child was pterodactyl screaming just for funzies, and I was just trying to get everything I needed and get out. 

This 80 year old woman comes up and says "I do not miss these days at all. Hopefully it's almost nap time sweetie!" 

That was worth so much more to me than all the "oh it goes so fast. You better enjoy them!" I usually get. 

Why?

Because when I'm in public and my kids are being "those kids" and I'm trying my hardest to keep cool, I'm definitely not enjoying them and I'm certainly not going to miss it. The grandma guilt trip is the worst!!!

So thank you, honest woman at Sprouts, for validating my frustrations and making me feel like I'm not the worst mom in the world for not "enjoying" the grocery store madness. 

Sunday, October 19, 2014

You Is Important


List off the top five most important people to you. 

No really. Do it. 

1. Husband
2. Older girl child
3. Boy child
4. Younger girl child
5. My mom

Some people lump their kids into one person, but they're not one person so list them separately. Mine are in age order, not favoritism order. They equally have good and less good qualities to them. 

But I digress. 

There's usually someone missing from that list that is pretty darn important. 

You. 
 
It's true. I'm important to me because without me, three of the people on that list wouldn't exist. It's easy to forget how important you are when the kids are needing this and wanting that and fighting over everything. 

Motherhood shouldn't make you less important. It makes you MORE important. Those three beasts rely on me to feed, clothe, bathe, protect, and teach them. That's pretty important! 

You do everything you can for your family as soon as you get that glorious second line on a pee stick. 

But when you put yourself in the list of important people and put another list next to it of all the things you do for them, your list might look something like mine:

Husband: support education, make healthy meals, encourage hobbies and activities, listen and provide counsel when needed, fulfill emotional and physical needs, maintain healthy marriage through communication, honor marriage covenants

Older girl child: provide clothing, housing, healthy foods, bathe, love, play, read to her, build self esteem and confidence, help with homework, teach life skills, cuddle and build trusting relationship and communication. 

Boy child: same as above

Younger girl child: same as above, but added diapers (womp womp)

Me: try to eat healthy but end up chugging an instant breakfast and a couple fun size snickers until dinner.

That certainly doesn't seem like I belong on that list because I don't treat myself like I'm a priority. 

Even the secret candy I bought myself for a reward ended up going to Cub Scouts with me last week and handed out to the boys because I forgot a treat. 

Pity party, maybe. But until you start seeing yourself as important and a priority, motherhood and marriage is going to seem like hell with nary a thanks or reciprocation of service to be found. 

Motherhood IS a sacrifice, but not a sacrifice of self worth and importance. 

Even if it's something small like a pint of ice cream and a home pedicure after kids are in bed, take a little time to make yourself a priority on that list. 

Because you're important. You matter most at least sometimes, and that's ok. 

Friday, October 10, 2014

When It Rains, It Pours...a little


A few months ago we bought a truck from my brother in law. The cosmos aligned perfectly for it to happen and so husband dove in and bought the truck, flew up to utah, and drove it back home. 

Upon getting it here, we realized our state's emission requirements are much stricter than Utah. So it failed. The repairs were costly and I sighed heavily and held my breath as it became one repair after another to get the old girl seaworthy. 

We finally did and husband was in heaven in his dream truck. He tried to teach me to drive a stick, but I'm too short to comfortably and smoothly work the clutch so I handed the reigns back to him with a hearty "have fun!"

Then this last week it starts acting up again. A quick top off of oil and it settles back down.  

For a day. 

Then it dies. 

*siiiiiiiiigh* a frequent phrase from my mouth has been "this frickin truck."

Now I certainly can't blame anyone in this situation. Brother in law told us all he knew about the truck honestly and it did pass emissions in Utah. It's just one of those crappy situations that happens to everyone at some point. 

I just keep thinking "what are we supposed to learn from this? Why did everything work out SO perfectly if it was going to end up this way?"

I still don't know, but I do know when the wtf moments pile up, there's something to learn and gain from it. 

So now we have a dead truck in need of a fuel pump in the garage and husband is driving a shiny new civic that, by the mercy of God, we were approved for a decent lease.

 There's a silver lining somewhere. I know it. In the meantime, this civic is pretty sweet and I'm jealous husband gets to be the main driver. 

Sunday, October 5, 2014

GUYS. ITS ME.

My friend that posted the thing about the sparkly shoes on her blog has a tendency to regularly speak to my heart and put words to my thoughts and feelings that I just can't. 

You should follow her blog too because 

1. She's hilarious
2. Her kids should be GAP models but without the pageant mom attitude 
3. She is very wise
4. She makes crafty stuff that makes me jealous of her creativity and also inspires me to try new things

This sounds wicked creepy because we aren't even THAT good of friends. We worked together for a little bit, I went to a scentsy party she did, and we're friends on facebook. 

Anyway, her blog is https://seeker-of-happiness.squarespace.com/blog

That little prologue was to give some background to make the phrase "SHE DID IT AGAIN" make more sense. 

Because she FRICKIN did it again! Well, not her exactly, but she posted a link that did. 

I have the hardest time pinpointing myself. I'm an extrovert, but I do enjoy my alone time. But not alone alone. Then I get scared. Probably because I watch too much Supernatural. 

Then I see this post

http://thoughtcatalog.com/heidi-priebe/2014/09/25-struggles-only-enfps-will-understand/

Hopefully, this will help people of similar thought process to better understand themselves and figure out the ways to make themselves happiest. 

Friday, October 3, 2014

Silver Linings


My husband is so good at this. So good. 

Me? 

Not so much. 

He sees the glass as half full all the time. 
I'm just happy the glass hasn't been tipped over and spilled on my freshly washed floor. 

I'm working on it though! I've been trying reeeeeaaaally hard to see the silver lining in my frustrations and problems and situations. 

Something else I have been working on is letting go of the things I can't control. There's a lot that fits under that category let me tell you. The more I delve into my inner Elsa, the more chaotic I feel like my life becomes. 

                   Living in the desert, 
                I wish I had ice powers.

I am super micromanager! With the astounding ability to overanalyze, over prepare, and nitpick every single situation to the point of stress overload. 

It's not a talent I'm proud of. 

So I've decided to find the good in letting go and find balance as well. I have to weeeeaaaan myself off of controlling everything. They don't have AA meetings for people like me. Well they probably do, but I can't afford group therapy and I hate therapists anyway. 

A lot of my good that I've seen in surrendering some control, is I'm less stressed and the kids seem a little less stressed. Not much, but a little. Mostly they're taking advantage of my relinquished rigidity and pushing major boundaries. At target today, the boy wanted a "snow cone" which is what they call icees. After repeatedly telling him no, I just started ignoring him. I reminded him one more time that the answer is no and I wasn't changing my mind. 

Commence the tantrum. 



Full blown screaming and stomping and wailing and gnashing of teeth. He even shoved me a few times. Even being in public I was on the verge of my own meltdown.

And I thought,"he's just a kid. He doesn't care about anything else except the icee. I can't change how he feels and I very obviously can't control him right now."

So I crossed the parking lot with him on my hip and snuggling into my shoulder while he sobbed about how unfair it is to be almost four and not have a "snow cone". All I could do was tell him that it will be ok and hug him with one arm while I steered the cart with the other. 

The bad of that situation far outweighs the good, but if I had gone to my old standard of trying to control it, there wouldn't have been any good to even try to see. Instead, I got some snuggles from my not so little man that are becoming more and more rare as he gets older. 

Oh and he did get a stern lecture when we got home and calmed down enough to listen.