Marriage Is Work?

I recently read the Mindy Kaling book "Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?" and she had one part where she was talking about a guy she knew that made marriage seem terrible. 

Just awful. 

The people who are all "marriage is WORK."

Yeah. I get it. Marriage isn't just snuggles and his & hers towel sets and lovingly feeding each other bites at a restaurant in the candle light. 

Excuse me while I barf from that previous paragraph. 

That's better. 

Now I'm gonna get all philosophical. Kind of. 

I don't think marriage should be WORK. I think marriage should be natural. 

 I don't view marriage as work. I think of work as something unpleasant, yet necessary. 

Like your first job in a dark basement, opening and sorting mail for an insurance company that pays slightly more than minimum wage. 

Now, I know what you're thinking. I'm not saying marriage is without trials. Sure, there are moments when you've asked for a chore to be done and it goes unheeded for days on end. There are disagreements about how to fold towels and the amount of hair on the shower wall.

       I need this pillow for obvious reasons

Is marriage hard? Sometimes. Is it maddening? Often. Is it worth it?

In the words of Severus Snape,

"Always."

Because even when the arguments and annoyances arise, and they will, you're still facing off against someone who is ultimately on your side. Someone who vowed to weather the storms of life or PMS or cooking your first thanksgiving.  

Those are the things I try to remember when I'm on some tirade about being the only person "who even gives a crap if dinner gets put away and how many times do I have to sweep this frickin floor today?!" 

That's when it's hard. When I feel unappreciated and that my hard work goes unnoticed. I get a little selfish and play butwhataboutme. 

A charming game where I think of all the things Husband does, and then think butwhataboutme?

"Sure he goes to school and studies a bunch of stuff I have no clue about and sits in uncomfortable chairs listening to boring lectures...but I'm at home with kids all day and cooking and cleaning and grocery shopping and laundry."

It makes it so easy to belittle what he actually does. I just see him getting out of the house without worrying about the number of wipes left in the diaper bag and galavanting off to higher education and intellectual conversations with adults. REAL adults! I overlook the fact that he's exhausted from staying up until one am studying, only to wake back up at four to study some more. I glaze over the Tupperware of leftovers eaten cold from his lunchbox and that the adult conversation is really sitting at a laptop texting classmates about exam material. 

I also forget to mention the two (sometimes THREE) hours of nap time that I get almost every day to do whatever I want. Sure he thinks this nap time is probably spent prepping dinner menus and folding clothes and cleaning counters. 

It's not. 

Most of the time I'm parked on the couch with a pile of snacks and either my kindle or Netflix. 

Moral of the story is: you can't compare your contributions. They're separate, but equal. I scoff at the notion of him being "mom" and he chortles imagining me learning about Dopaminergic pathways from the ventral tegmental area to the nucleus accumbens and 

prefrontal cortex.  

I even had him type that out for me. 

Don't compare his apples to your oranges. That's not innuendo either. Even though it made me giggle. 

Marriage is difficult, but so are a lot of recipes. However, if you pay attention, make sure you have all the right ingredients, and keep trying even when you mess up, you'll end up with something wonderful and fulfilling. 

Like cheesecake. But sexy. 

    Even though we piss each other off.          .......................Frequently.........................