Like, For Real

This. Every time! I say my daily prayers and noticed on days where I ask for more patience, I'm just given demons for children (and not a Winchester in sight) who are more concerned with who got to the car first, who got the last of the milk, who got to pick the last show than with their poor street urchin looking mother who spent the day with a mouthful of "stop it! What are you doing?! SHE IS A BABY YOU CANNOT HIT HER! Seriously?! Again with the socks?"

I realized, if I don't pray for patience, maybe it'll be better.........

It is! For about an hour. The difference after that hour though? I didn't pray for patience so I'm not recognizing the opportunities to exercise my agency and CHOOSE to be patient. It is so much worse. 

Instead of exasperation, I get full on angry and shout at my kids. Not just yell or use the mom voice. I shout at them to just stop for five frickin minutes so I finish making their dinner that they will probably refuse to eat anyway. 

Those are the days that I yearn for bed time. When each kid is hastily put into their bed with a quick kiss, a half hug, and a not quite sincere as it should be I love you. When I flop on the couch and shake my fist inwardly for not getting a Dr. Pepper earlier at Frys. 

The thing is, how can we expect to be patient if we are never presented with the opportunity to be patient? That's like trying to learn calculus without ever taking a math class. I'm fully confident that my comparison of patience to calculus is an accurate depiction of how difficult patience is for me. Especially because I couldn't even pass geometry. 

Heavenly Father isn't some wizard that can wave a magic wand and grant us our every desire and wish. This isn't Hogwarts, yo. He's our FATHER. He wants us to learn and the only way to learn is to be presented with opportunities to learn. So He does. He gives our kids a little extra energy and a lot more sass and turns them loose on us. But He doesn't abandon us. He's still there. Just a prayer away. Like being in class, raise your hand...ask for help. The teacher knows the answers and knows how to help guide you to figure it out on your own. Heavenly Father is there to guide us too. 

So this morning when I prayed for strength and energy and safety...I swallowed hard and asked for patience and for guidance to know how to best help each of my kids. It's nap time and the house is quiet except for the sizzle of my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the oven (don't you dare judge me). I've done surprisingly well this morning as I've stopped with each tantrum and thought "I prayed for this. I need to figure it out. Help me to figure this out..."

If all else fails, I have Dr. Pepper in the fridge.